Hi, Stepmom, think of this month’s issue of The Stepparenting Journey as a stocking full of Christmas goodies, how about that? Let’s start off with an introduction to Melissa Weston and her new forum, Stepfamily Help and Advice. Melissa shares a little bit about herself and her goals with us.
Tell us about you and your family and what led you to create a public forum.
"Well I was a 25-year-old happily single woman when I met my now fiance. He was recently separated (unhappily) when we went out for the first time, he had 2 little girls aged 2 and 3. My heart really went out to him - I found his circumstances to be really heartbreaking.
"I thought being a stepmum would be easy. I never gave a single thought to the drastic impact it would have on my lifestyle. I found it very difficult to adjust, as I was working 10-hour shifts in a bar all night. I knew hundreds of people, all partiers. I was living it up. Stepmotherhood and my new responsibilities as a responsible member of a family were quite a shock. I had no children of my own, so it was an extra shock.
"I also had my own ghosts. My mother and father fought for custody over my brother and me for many years. I was always a member of a stepfamily, as a child. Now things had changed -- I was one of the adults.
"I decided to create my own forum because I couldn't find the type of forum that I could be happy with long term, I wanted to provide a free speech forum, free from censorship. Not many forum-masters are prepared to offer that -- so for me the choice was simple. Start my own."
My readers are always looking for support and positive solutions that will help them with their steplife problems. Can they find that in your forum?
"They will always find support -- the great thing is we are all stepparents and it's so much easier to empathize and understand someone else who is facing the same phenomenal challenges that you are.
"I believe that most people are positive in their approach to helping others find solutions; unfortunately, sometimes the solutions aren't what we want to hear and that can be disheartening... Of course I believe the forum will provide support to people in difficult situations where the most positive solution may be painful."
What are your best words of wisdom for other stepmoms?
"Ooohh, that's tough! OK. My best advice is don't ever get into fights with your partners EX! Even if she baits you, don't take the bait. You should be seen and not heard. If she says something critical or rude to you, just avert your gaze, look down, be quiet and passive.
"If she gossips about you - tell the 'messenger' that you're not interested and they're not helping the situation by passing along the bad news.
"If she is nasty about you to the kids don't take it personally, discuss it with your partner and just discipline the kids as any problems arise.
"Again if she is nasty about you to your partner - do not take it personally - it's not really about you.... If you are unavailable to fight or to receive insults, the nastiness will eventually stop. And even if it doesn't (which I doubt) you will always have been the better person."
My thanks to Melissa for being part of our newsletter and for providing this resource for stepmoms. Stop by and visit, I’m sure she’d be glad to see you!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Our blog tour for Stepping Stones for Stepmoms is winding down, but it’s been great and I hope you’ve had a chance to participate. It’s been a real treasure for me to get to know the wonderful bloggers who are participating, and here are the links so far:
Step by Step
Stepmom Land
Step-family Talk
Stepmother’s Milk
Smart Stepfamilies
Simplicity in the Suburbs
Hope you can drop in on these two final stops:
The Stepfamily Life – Tuesday, Dec. 11
A Stepmom’s Say – Thursday, Dec. 13
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Finally, one more note about my just-released Amazon Short (like a little ebook you get from Amazon.com for only 49 cents). It’s called 7 Decisions You Can Make Today to Improve Your Steplife. I hope it’s a positive and helpful message for stepparents everywhere.
“A really great piece! It's amazing how well you've captured what it's like to be the stepmom - only another stepmom can know these things,” Stepmom M.
“Absolutely wonderful. I have saved it so I can read it often. Karon, all I can say is as a stepmom to a stepmom, I hope I can build myself up to get my mind on track as you have,” Stepmom D.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
0 comments:
Post a Comment