One thing we can always count on in steplife is change. We may like it or we may not, but it comes nonetheless. And we must respond. We must make new choices and adapt our world to the new winds that blow.
Change comes in bunches sometimes. Within two months, my grandmother died, my husband and I moved, my son moved, and our first grandchild was born. Maybe in your family it's a new school for the kids or you, a new job, a new location, or maybe new custody arrangements or other situations with your stepkids' other family. Sometimes much of the change is out of our control.
When drastic changes come, everything has to rearrange, including us. So how do we do that? How do we wrap our minds around the ever-changing landscape of our lives? How do we factor "stepmom" into everything new and different? Maybe these strategies will help . . . .
Rest in confidence. Take a breath. And then take another. Regardless of the change you face or if you fear a scary future, you can hold on to where you are and remember that you've weathered other developments and surprises successfully in the past. And you're still *you,* strong and capable. You can pause, study and plan, trusting you'll do well now too. Panic won't help.
Gather and document information. When things are moving quickly, details, dates, financial records and anything you need to keep up with can get lost, confused or forgotten. Get the information you need, write it down, and put it all in one place. That'll help relieve some of the inevitable stress and save time too.
Stay ahead of schedule. Some changes we can prepare for. If you have that luxury, take care of everything you can as early as possible. If financial changes are coming, for example, can you put away some extra money for child support, prepay some bills or eliminate some expenses now? Give yourself a cushion of time, money or other resources wherever you can.
Focus on the core. Some changes take precedence over just about everything else. When you have one of those upheavals in your life, do some triage. Focus on the bleeding and let the mosquito bites go. Jealously guard your time with your husband, be present for your kids and stepkids and meet them with a caring word. Give yourself to your changes and the core of your life and let the peripheral stuff go guilt-free. It'll wait on you.
Be open to good developments. Sometimes we think all change is bad, but within the tough challenges we can usually find something good if we'll allow ourselves to. Hold the change up against the backdrop of your life and see what possibilities come forward. Keep an open mind and then maximize anything good or positive you see. It'll be work, but it'll be worth it. Our grandbaby is a good change, but his arrival means learning how to cope with his other grandmother--his "real" grandmother--in a new way. I'm very new at this, but when I hold him, bad memories are a little duller, and I'm hoping for more and more good as he grows and as I focus on the future.
We can't deny or refuse or stop the changes in our lives, so we'll cope with them. We'll learn new skills because of them and develop talents we didn't know we had. We'll grow up within ourselves because we can meet the changes head-on.
We may not court it, but the change we face is what it is, and we can still choose how we'll live our lives around it. We'll be able to effect change to our world too, by our actions and reactions, our words and efforts, able to find what makes us stronger, wiser and more capable stepmoms. We don't have to be afraid of change, just ready.
"The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life".
2 comments:
Karon,
I am so glad to have found your blog. It is right up my alley :)
-Nia
Welcome, Nia, glad you're here :)
Take care.
Many blessings,
Karon
Post a Comment